The Wall Street Journal a few days ago ran a right-column front page feature article about match.com, the dating web site. The theme of the article was that the boomer crowd is using online dating services in increasing numbers.
After more than a year of visits to golf course communities in the southeast and hundreds of discussions with residents and real estate people, we can understand the phenomenon. We've heard numerous stories about couples who have moved to their dream home and community and one of the partners, within a few years, rekindles his or her passion. Unfortunately, that passion is for a neighbor or someone else they meet in the community.
As a generation, boomers have always wanted what they wanted when they wanted it; okay, it's a sweeping generalization, so we invite refutation. But as Woody Allen said after Mia Farrow found salacious photos of Soon Yi in the Woodman's dresser drawer, "The heart wants what the heart wants." And as the clock ticks, the heart's needs beat more urgently.
We detect the potential for a business model for psychologists or marriage counselors. Many boomers are emotionally unprepared to retire. We're not talking about the impacts of going from a job to no job; there are plenty of interesting part-time jobs in retirement areas, the possibility of consulting gigs and certainly volunteer organizations that can use talented, experienced people. The issue is more about communication. So many boomer couples have spent their years together focused on their jobs and their children that they haven't focused on the communication aspects of their marriages. As a "reward" for their hard work and income generation, they buy that dream house in a retirement area and head south, perhaps too quickly, without taking a breath to explore what they both want. The relationship may head south as well because the kids are gone, the routine of job responsibilities (including child raising) is gone and the two people really, truly have not been alone together for 20 years.
We haven't seen figures yet on divorce rates among retirees, but anecdotal evidence we've heard over the last year and a half and the increased numbers of boomers using online dating services may be hinting at a problem. I didn't even take a psych course in college, so the thoughts of professionals (or the experiences of others) would be appreciated.